I got up rather early for me. Having a lamp near my bed is really nice because in the morning I can just turn it on by extending my arm and it kind of convinces me to get up. Having stuff away from me actually doesn't work because I get so irritated that I had to get up that I go back to bed out of spite.
I didn't wake up early enough to get to my morning lectures but I got to my Japanese lesson early which was nice. While there, I was thinking that maybe my I'm too good for this class even though most of my shitty japanese just comes from being a weeb. I was getting a bit annoyed. It started reminding me of school a bit, where I felt everything was going at too slow of a pace that I actively stopped listening because I was bored. I get overconfident like that, and even low test results don't get me to take it seriously. My ego is ridiculously high sometimes.
I guess that part of myself came back because the teaching is more like a class than the usual lecture stuff in uni, which doesn't handhold quite as much. Although, there have also been times in lectures where I thought things were going to slow. It reminded me of why I took my subject in the first place - it all seemed intuitive to me in school. I thought the faster learning/self learning in uni would be more my style but it just makes me not do work. I don't know which is worse. (Might also be that my subject legitimately makes no sense to me sometimes and I swear everyone at this goddamn uni is somehow more of a nerd than me, surrounded by fuckers who probably get 90s in their sleep because they've had 20 years of experience in the field already.)
Anyway, the japanese lesson went over and I really couldn't stomach 3 more hours of consecutive lectures especially when I was already late, so I skipped and went straight home.
The lesson had me motivated to learn more japanese myself, so I got up a japanese visual novel with a text hooker and then gave up after two sentences.
Tomorrow I'll work on my site more.
Not much happened today. I needed to buy groceries but I didn't want to go outside so I just stayed in my room trying to delay it. Ended up buying a few vegetables and stuff at around 9pm and cooked japanese curry while my flatmates watched the finale of Love Island in the background. I know nothing about Love Island but the way they were malding in the background because the audience chose the wrong couple or something was really funny.
I was feeling pretty shitty the whole day and my mind was super disarranged, but cooking helped clear my head. I realised, if I'm feeling not myself/sluggish and mentally exhausted I should force myself to cook cause it'll probably help me feel better lol. It's like my thoughts were messy spiral doodles and cooking makes it straighten out into a straight line. Cooking makes me 'lock in' lol.
The hardest part about cooking though is actually getting myself to do it. I always delay it because I can't decide what to cook, and it takes a lot of time so if I think I have stuff to do I feel like I have to finish other things before I cook, but I'm a chronic procrastinator so I never finish the things and I just end up being hungry and eating a bunch of snacks.
Anyway, the japanese curry tasted good, and it's alright for a few days so I'm happy that I have easy food to eat now.
I literally don't know what I did in the morning and afternoon and I don't care. I just remember sleeping at 7am for no reason. At night, I went to my friend's place to cook pancakes of all things. Had a small group of friends come by. We each bought things to eat the pancakes with. It was really nice, and the pancakes tasted really good.
Later in the night I drank more cider, my friends started arguing about Evangelion, we played Smash and all got our ass kicked by the one actually good smash player. Super fun. We ordered pizza and while we were going out to collect it I started looking at all the flats and houses with the lights on in the dead of night, feeling nostalgic(?). I wrote about it before, but in the future I want to have a flat and have my friends come over at night to play smash or something. I started imagining a lot of different scenarios. I think it's a simple dream, my own place. I just want to continue to have nights like this in the future.
After eating, we watched a bit of Jojo part 5 and then we went home. I did some light reading before bed, but I was dead tired and slept pretty much straight away.
My dream today was strange. I have a log of some of my recent dreams that I want to put on the site, but haven't gotten around to yet, but in summary I was a time travelling immortal who was fighting snakes in post WW1/pre WW2 Germany.
I decided to listen to radio today. I haven't listened to the radio in a long time, I usually listened to it on car rides to and from school. But even if I get the car these days my dad usually justs puts on a CD instead, or if I'm in another person's car they'll put on their spotify playlist. I won't be a pessimist and say radio's dying or something, I kind of doubt it is, but it's definitely not as prevalent in my life. Good news though: one can listen to the radio without a radio easily with the internet! Sick.
When I listen to radio these days I feel like the selection isn't as good as it used to be, but I'm definitely biased because I remember my dad used to complain that they play the same 5 songs over and over again. Anyway, putting on the radio was a good idea. Set my mood right.
At around 3pm I walked to the supermarket and did some grocery shopping. I needed to buy bedding because I have only one and I haven't washed it since I came to uni, but there wasn't one at the supermarket so I went to the city proper. I browsed some records at a shop nearby, then went to a clothes shop and found some bedding. I looked at the clothes as well because I haven't bought clohes for myself in years but I wasn't really interested and everything was too expensive.
I came back, it was raining. I cooked some pork. It tasted good. Changed the bedsheets to the new one. It's so nice now. It feels and looks great! I put together a lamp I got for my room since it gets too dark at night, which is when I do most of my work (it's hard to write on paper in the dark). Now my room is no longer moody and dark, and I can turn off the main lights and have a dim light to read books before I sleep. Then I listened to more radio, thought about my ocs a lot and then fell asleep. It felt like a pretty productive day even though I didn't do any uni work.
(While writing this I'm listening to the radio too and they're playing Buddy Holly Weezer, haha, my favourite.)
Valentines. What an unserious day. Usually I forget about it but recently I've been trying to remember it exists more because it's a good oppurtunity to draw themed artwork. I didn't draw anything for today.
I was asleep most of the day, got out of bed at like 2pm or something, I can't remember. In the night, my friend invited me and another friend over to do fuck all. Might as well, it's Valentines day. Was really fun. Drank cider, ate ice cream and chocolate we bought ourselves because I thought it'd be on sale (it wasn't. I spent like £2 on a bar of chocolate). Talked about dumb shit like budget cosplays, working out (complete with demonstration), hot pokemon women, talking to women, stardew valley, etc.
They were both complaining about seeing couples everywhere; on campus, in the street, on buses flirting and what not, throughout the whole week, not just today. I didn't see anything like that. I'm sure there were couples out there but I'm probably not situationally aware enough. Also, I might've just not been out long enough.
Anyway, it was a pretty unserious day and I came back well past midnight. There was only a few of us cause our other friends had plans that day, which was kinda nice honestly. Not like our friend group is very big anyway (it's a single digit number). In the future, when I get my own flat or something, I'd like to dedicate Valentines day to talking shit with a few friends who have no plans, while drinking cheap cider. Or maybe I'll do that with my future partner. I don't know what the future holds but I just need an excuse to drink cider.
Somehow, I managed to will myself to go to campus for once. It’s because I signed up for Japanese lessons and the teacher was very adamant that you must come to the lessons if you signed up. I came in late and the teacher put me on blast secondary school style - completely mortifying but probably not enough to make me not late for the next lesson. Then I went to one lecture out of five I had that day. I missed all my morning lectures due to sleeping in and had 2 lectures after that I didn’t go to because I hadn’t eaten the whole day and was behind on the module. I thought there was no point going if I wasn’t going to understand anything. (I’m behind on all my modules but going to that one lecture wasn’t too bad - I could infer most things.)
The lecturer who was teaching was a complete dork by the way. Kept going on about how the phrase ‘jump points’ sounds like a sci-fi concept and made up imaginary dialogue during the lecture. Everyone was so stone faced and silent that I actually felt embarrassed that I enjoyed such comments. Actually, all my lecturers past and present are huge nerds. I love it, but part of me is ashamed for taking such a nerdy subject. Especially when I’m so unintellectual myself. It makes me feel like a poser.
Anyway, I ate on campus and paid a absurd amount for food, but to be fair it was quite a lot and pretty filling. I was so hungry anyway that the cost didn’t matter. It was a chicken and mushroom pasta bake with cheese - and it tasted really good. I didn’t expect it to taste so good as I’ve never really had chicken with pasta but it was nice. Halfway through the food I got super full but I still ate all of it.
After that I went to the library because being there is the only way I could ever get any work done. I haven’t done any work/lectures since the semester started, I’m really bad. I have no discipline whatsoever and nothing can get me to do anything - it’s apathy I guess. I watched 2 recorded lectures and they were pretty cool. It was getting late so I went to go home - but saw one of those ‘blind dates with a book’ stands and got one before I left. I was stuck between two books - a book about the North and South divide (in England), the protagonist - a girl from the south, moving to a rural northern town she first dislikes, but becomes sympathetic to their economic and societal struggles. The second book was described as ‘the written equivalent of lying in the sun eating figs.’ The description painted a very romantic and idealistic picture - like if impressionism was a novel. I picked the second book, although it was a tough choice.
The book ended up being ‘Three Summers’ by Margarita Liberaki, a Greek novel. I hope to read it soon, though currently I’m reading another novel (‘Brideshead Revisited’ by Evelyn Waugh). I sort of cheated and put the second book through the self-service loan thing to see what book it was. It’s ‘North and South’ by Elizabeth Gaskell. I might read that too if I get a chance.
When I came back from campus I planned to do some more work, but I ended up doomscrolling. On the way back I was thinking about the first blog post (and only blog post as of now) I wrote - ‘Ranting about Daydreaming’, and how some parts might be wrong. I wasn’t aware enough to realise that I do actually daydream about myself - but I’ll save it for later. I’ll write a blog entry about it - I think I’ve got enough material. I suppose it sort of relates to Valentines Day so I might write it tomorrow. It depends. I’m unreliable.
Speaking of Valentines day, woah that’s tomorrow and I forgot! Wow! (I don’t care.) Although, I did plan a comic relating to my ocs that I wanted to release. I didn’t complete it. Oh well.