Ranting about Daydreaming

I find myself unwilling to get out of bed even if I’ve fully woken up, drifting in and out of sleep for hours. It can take quite awhile for me to fall asleep, but when I do I never want to get up. When I’m trying to sleep I like to daydream, which I think everyone does. Elaborate stories with deep characters which I definitely will make a comic out of - totally. Usually it’s just one particular scene in that story that I’ll repeat in my head again and again and again until everything is perfect.

My actual dreams are rarely ever related to my daydreams - and they tend to just suck outright so I forget them after 5 minutes. When I awake, I go back to daydreaming about ocs, which causes me to fall asleep again usually. I’m usually stuck in bed for way more than 12 hours. It’s like being paralysed by my thoughts. I don’t even get up for basic human needs until the very last moment. It’s just so fun to think about my characters.

The rest of my day typically goes like this: I make myself ‘dinner’ (the only meal I’m probably gonna eat that day), I turn on my computer intending to do work, and then I put music in the background and end up daydreaming more - making animated music videos in my head and such. Sometimes the music isn’t even ‘proper music’, it’s just a 10 second loop of some nightcore tiktok audio that I put on repeat for an hour because my imaginary amv has to be perfect - and I will definitely get around to animating it! Definitely!!

Now that I think about it, I don’t think i’ve ever seriously animated anything. All my flipnotes are left unfinished, there are some from probably 5 years ago. I barely finish anything, probably cause I’m too busy doing this daydreaming stuff but nevermind that.

I often have to fend myself from sleep because I’m too busy daydreaming about the amvs, which is funny when you think about it because I daydream anyway when drifting to sleep - so i’m effectively procrastinating daydreaming with daydreaming. And then that’s my whole day wasted - another day of my life doing absolutely nothing of value (average day in my life tbh).

By the way, idk how to do an emdash on the keyboard so just deal with the hyphens for now, ok?

When I’m on the bus or in a boring class or sometimes even when I’ve just gone in the kitchen for a snack or something I end up daydreaming as well. Sometimes I just pace around the room for a bit while thinking up scenarios.

I’ve questioned whether this is what you call ‘maladaptive daydreaming’ and I believe it is not. Sure, it’s not very good, and it does sorta negatively affect some parts of my life (can’t go to lectures, can’t do work, not going to outings, not listening to conversations because i’m too busy daydreaming), but I willingly let myself do this. I just find it really really fun. I’d just rather be in my thoughts than in reality.

Daydreams are comforting especially on days where I just feel really really awful - when I’m sick or when I’m in low spirits and my mind is wandering. It’s comforting to be in a world outside of reality - somewhere where I don’t exist. Strangely, when I’m very unhappy, my daydreams tend towards yuri scenarios lol.

A lot of the time the characters in my scenarios reflect my mindset though, especially on bad days. So occasionally it’s not very comforting and just drives me further… but uh… yeah? But a lot of the time it is comforting. It’s like knowing someone else is going through what you’re going through, in a sorta abstract way. I don’t daydream about the exact scenarios that happen in my life (would defeat the whole point of daydreaming) but the characters sometimes have some qualities that are similar to me or are thinking the same things that I think sometimes but it’s a cute anime girl/boy and not me so they’re really moe and I want to hug them. And then I make them kiss other characters I relate to whoooo!!!! Look it’s really fun alright you should try it!!! Try it!!!!

I don’t like daydreaming about myself because I find it kinda icky. My characters are very separate from me. When I daydream about myself anyway it usually just becomes a separate character so I think it’s impossible. I’m not a very interesting person in the first place so idk what i’d be doing in my daydreams. I also never daydream in a realistic style it has to be moe anime blobs.

Also, for the past year or 2 I’ve only been using two characters as my daydream fuel before I sleep. I’m making a manga about them - it’s like a typical yaoi bl highschool manga. I daydream about the scenes I’ll write later and then I forget those scenes when I have to write it down lol. I’ll publish some doujins/manga about them here. Their personalities aren’t the most consistent but they’re fun to daydream about. I’ve amassed a few AU versions of them now. Theres a genderbend yuri version, a gundam/mecha version, another yuri version that has a creepy horror element to it and one of the girls thinks the other is a guy (so it’s kinda straight?), a university/slightly older version, a hanahaki version. I’ll show them off when I get around to making the art side of this website.

I’m excited to expand this website more! Sorry it’s a bit unrefined at the time of writing this. I’m too busy sleeping. Sorry!!

(P.S Theres a free shipping event happening at surugaya. It ends on Monday: https://www.suruga-ya.com/en/campaign/free-shipping-campaign)

Written - 14.10.23
Currently listening: Let Down - Radiohead
Posted - 14.10.23